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Understanding How to Respond to Your Child's Mistakes

Have you noticed? When children get into trouble, they immediately blame someone else for it. If they've done something wrong, then someone else made them do it. If they get bad grades, then it's because the teacher doesn't like them and so on and so forth.

Everyone else is to blame for whatever it is that they've done wrong. Have you ever wondered why that is????? Think about it. You may be surprised at the answer you get.

Kids often resort to the blame game because they've unconsciously imbibed the message that taking responsibility could get them into trouble with their elders. Stop and notice how your child reacts every time he gets into trouble. What does he or she say? How often does this happen?

If you find your child repeatedly blaming someone else for whatever's gone wrong, try and recall how you dealt with him or her in earlier situations when they got into trouble. You may discover that in the past, whenever they owned up or took responsibility for wrong doings, they got punished anyway.

Your earlier responses may have been anger and frustration, which the child translates in his mind to disappointment with him and then a rejection of him. No child wants to feel rejected and a quick reaction to avoid this happening is to make out like someone else is the cause for the wrongdoing.

So, how do you approach this problem positively?

For example, if your child was to drop a glass of milk on the floor, what would your normal reaction be? Would you yell, say harsh, nasty things to him, maybe even take a swipe at him??? Uh-oh! See? There you have it! He's getting all kinds of subtle negative feedback from such a reaction.

A healthier response would be to acknowledge what's happened to the child, tell him that he must take care in future, and then make him take responsibility for his actions by assisting him clear up the mess. He's responsible for the clearing up, but he knows that he's not bad, because there you are, clearing up with him too.

The message he gets is positive. He's loved, and he's goofed, and he needs to take responsibility for his actions. Such support will go a long way in maintaining his self-image and will help him grow up into an emotionally healthy and responsible adult.

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